Enterprise, or by the episode in question, Star Trek: Enterprise, was certainly one of the shows within the Trek canon of all time.
It started out trying to appeal to a different section of the 18-34 male demographic – those who thought Star Trek is for nerds. Also: going by the Russell Watson theme song; their mothers? This attempted change of audience is why the Star Trek part of the name was dropped; then added back later on when they realised only Trekkies were watching it after all. It would be very easily to just dismiss it because of the Rick Berman of it all (not to diminish his influence on that era of Trek, but Brannon Braga has no small culpability for Enterprise, as well as some of Voyager. Robert Duncan McNeil seems to be a lovely person, but by season 7 I loathed Tom Paris with an eye-rolling, groaning passion – coincidentally the character that the writers' room assumed that the audience would connect most with. Also; it's recorded that it was David Livingston who came to the Ten Forward set and removed any same sex couples from the scene where Guinan explains romance to Lal. Berman was the high heid yin where the buck stopped, but it's not like he was a lone misogynist homophobe, constantly thwarting a team of thoughtful, progressive writers and producers) but then this would be a short post with not much else to say, and that's wholly out of character for me. By putting in several points between brackets, I can nearly lose the thread of my own sentence. Did you remember where that one started?
insert Hbomberguy "Buckle up!" meme
As a Star Trek fan, one of the most wonderful things to do is introduce others to the shows. One of my most treasured memories is watching two of my friends watch Sub Rosa for the first time. In the 30-ish years since I first saw it myself, I've gone all the way around from hating it and thinking it was irredeemably terrible; to adoring how unhinged it is. Quite genuinely, it's now one of my favourite episodes of TNG because it's just so much. (The governor’s little speech about the ramparts of Glamis might still kill me, though. WHAT HAPPENS TO SCOTLAND TO MAKE THAT VIEW POSSIBLE) Gates McFadden's performance is a delight; it was directed by Frakes – and I would give my eye teeth to learn what the cast thought when they first read the script, as it contains the most iconic line uttered on television of all time (past, present and future):
"I did fall asleep reading a particularly erotic passage in my grandmother's journal."
The line is immortalised on a wonderful t-shirt design by Matt Baume as Beverly's Dream – it's my favourite Star Trek shirt in my ever-growing collection, as it happens. (Thanks, V!)
Anyway; there's just so much to unpack in these 13 words. When watching with someone who's seeing it for the first time, it's probably a good idea to pause right after that scene and take as much time as they need. Maybe have refreshments, and possibly the contact details for a good therapist?
Braga is credited with writing the episode, but there may have been uncredited rewrites. Jeri Taylor had a hand in it as well, and the story was based on material by a freelance writer named Jeanna F. Gallo. Who wrote that line? I doubt I'll ever know, and that's okay. It does speak to Gene Roddenberry's foundational ideas about sexuality in the 24th century; that current prudishness and prurience will have died off, and people will be more open to discussing their desires with each other. Riker's sexuality – often joked about, but actually quite positive and healthy when you pay attention – is probably the best model of that. I still don't think he'd necessarily want to have a discussion with Dr. Pulaski about the times she boned his dad – but he communicates; is honest and seeks active consent, probably even when he's in holodeck five.
The problem with introducing someone to Star Trek is that eventually, they're going to want to watch Enterprise. V, who helped me buy my Beverly's Dream shirt and not have to pay more than the price of it in shipping to the UK, is working through it just now. They're up to season 3 (at time of writing this section) and this is where the complex feelings come in.
Jolene Blalock's performance as T'Pol is easily one of the finest across all of Star Trek. As a Vulcan and as an actor – and there are a lot of skilled actors across Trek. For all my criticisms of Enterprise, I need to make this abundantly clear; I think the cast did their best with what they had... and unfortunately Shran's "pink skins" just surfaced in my mind and interrupted any other thought I was having.
MAYWEATHER WAS RIGHT THERE THE WHOLE TIME.
SO WAS SATO.
"Pink skins" really sums up most of my issues with Enterprise; it's not humanity trying to be better than it is. I don't mean the characters in the 22nd century – I mean the people in the 21st century who were making it. To invoke Susan Faludi, Enterprise is Backlash Trek. Those Old Scientists and the 90s series all (tried to) depict future humanity as being (mostly) free of the bigotries and short-sighted ideas about what life is for that currently hold us back – racism, sexism, disablism, homophobia and transphobia are gone, or actively fought against. It is kind of wonderful that in writing The Outcast – an episode about gay rights and written in support of the potential legalisation of same sex marriage (in California) in the early 90s – the TNG writers ass-backwards'd into a trans rights icon; which serves to underline that self-determination and respecting other people's existences is the right thing to do no matter where or when. Let That Be Your Last Battlefield is not subtle; Bele and Lokai are so entrenched in their superficial, arbitrary hatred that they destroy themselves and everything they think they're fighting for is long gone by the time we meet them. I've written about Angel One and the attempt at women's equality as the subject, so I won't linger too long on that – but it does flip reality on its head and show us that either way a deliberate, gendered power imbalance is ridiculous. Far Beyond The Stars is undoubtedly the best episode for demonstrating how far humanity has come – and how far we still have to go. In every episode, contemporary humans tried to envision what a better future would look like, while also commenting on the audience's world through allegory.
And then along came Enterprise.
The attacks on the US of September 11th, 2001 occurred while season one was being filmed, though Broken Bow didn't air until the end of that month. Never underestimate the impact of that day on American cultural output to this day and beyond. (Note: I don't agree with some of the opinions expressed on the TVTropes page there; but it should effectively convey how Sept. 11th 2001 has indelibly changed the American psyche in media, if not collectively.) However, the show was in production by then, so all the pre-production work took place at that period where a lot of people (very white and mostly male and straight, coincidentally) seemed to think that all The Work had been done. We fought the Nazis in the middle of the century; fascism was defeated. The Civil Rights Act had been passed in the US and many other countries fully enfranchised their populations in the 20th century; on paper and in law, almost everyone could vote. The United States "won" the Cold War; capitalism had saved the day and was going to make life better for everyone forever and ever without end because all the big problems had been solved and excised like a gangrenous appendix*. If you want to know more about that kind of thought, I highly recommend the If Books Could Kill episodes about Francis Fukuyama's The End of History and Steven Pinker's The Better Angels of Our Nature (this book ended up with 2 episodes). Alongside the sense that everything had been fixed there was, of course, the growing backlash to the gains that social minorities had made. With one hand, the straight cis white men were patting themselves on the back for a job well done, while with the other they were were trying to hold back other groups from getting too empowered – as the saying goes: to those accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression. (I have read with mine own eyes, on Sarek's own internet, a man who seriously thought that to make everyone equal, everyone would have to be reduced to the level of the worst off in society.)
And then one clear Tuesday morning in September of 2001...
*this is where I feel compelled to direct you to Jay Smooth's TedX Talk, in which he describes specifically being anti-racist as requiring a dental hygiene model of maintenance; something that can be applied to any other aspect of being a good person.
Star Trek as a whole exists outside of time. It's set in a future none of us could ever hope to live to see – Enterprise is set in the middle of the 22nd century, and we're conveniently ignoring all the time travel episodes and that season of Picard that all just happen to come to contemporary Earth – so watching any episode works just fine when you don't know what was happening in the world (especially the US) when it was being written. My cohort can watch TOS and enjoy it just fine (for a given value of enjoy; it really is a show made in the mid-to-late 1960s). As time moves on, it's more and more removed from the contemporary issues – especially those around Civil Rights – it was often commenting on. Hopefully those real world struggles, and the people lost in the fight, will never be forgotten – but 60 years of history has happened since and it's much easier to remember history you watched on the news as it happened, rather than the things from before you were born. The Outcast, as previously mentioned, was written as an allegory for the fight for same sex marriage equality that was happening in California in the early 90s. I have spoken with someone who appeared to believe that it was a trans acceptance story from day one. A vitally important point about queer culture in the late 20th century that must never be forgotten, is that the AIDS pandemic of the 1980s and 1990s destroyed so much of it. If you're reading this, you're probably at least passingly familiar with Hbomberguy's video essay Plagiarism and You(Tube). One of the points he made was that because so much of queer history was lost in the 80s and 90s, it's really easy for people like James Somerton to fill that space with lies and misinterpretations of other peoples' work. Obviously Star Trek is a very different part of cultural history, but hopefully you understand the point I'm trying to get at. Recasting The Outcast as a trans episode rewrites the history, and misses out that gender identity was used as an allegory for sexual and romantic attraction. LGBTQIA+ representation was something the 90s Trek production teams could have done far better on, as Ira Steven Behr pointed out in What We Left Behind, regarding DS9.
Enterprise was a product of that weird bubble of time at the turn of the millennium when (for many people, but definitely not all) things felt fairly stable politically, and maybe economically. Specifically, Berman and Braga were doing professionally well for themselves – sure, Trek was still "for nerds", but TNG got pretty mainstream. Voyager was the flagship show for Paramount's UPN channel. DS9 was the forgotten cousin, twice-removed and left in a ditch – but that also means that it's now the mould-breaking tour de force that everyone loves because it works so well for streaming culture. I'm right there with everyone else – the first 6 months of my relationship with my spouse, DS9 was the soundtrack. (Don't worry; they've seen it all properly since and it's their favourite Trek now.)
Maybe Berman and Braga had a really dim view of humanity, but the presentation of what's normal by the time we achieve Warp 5 flight is regressive. Full disclosure: I dutifully watched Enterprise on Channel 4 as often as I could, but tapped out at the end of season 2, when the Xindi attacked Earth and destroyed Florida. I can't immediately find a date for that, but the US air-date was May of 2003. As an allegory for the attacks on the US of September 11th, 2001, it was too on the nose for me. American foreign policy in those days was problematic at best and I wasn't down for Trek that wanted to cheerlead (or even process) that. This means that several years passed before I saw the season 4 episode Bound for the first time.
Just to clue you in: this episode makes me so furious, I could bite through my own teeth.
Orion Slave Girls have been an iconic mainstay of Trek since the beginning and The Cage. Vina appeared to Captain Pike in the guise of an Orion slave, dancing for him. Earlier in the episode, he remarks to Dr. Boyce that he might resign his commission and go to work as an Orion trader (Boyce describes the traded as "green animal women, slaves" – things sure were a bit weird in the mid-60s if our hero going off to trade in sentient beings was a viable option) which sets up the scene for the Talosians to play out for him. Foreshadowing is a literary device...
"Funny how they are on this planet - [they] actually like being taken advantage of."
This one scene from the first pilot which first aired in late 1966, as part of The Menagerie: Part 2, seems to have really made an impression. For the 50th anniversary of Trek, Mattel released a green-skinned doll as a San Diego Comic Con exclusive. As part of the same anniversary celebrations, Mac Cosmetics released a themed collection of colour cosmetics, and Vina (or maybe just an Orion woman?) was one of the 4 women of Trek that was pictured in promotional materials and displays. The collection was pretty lacklustre (in every possible sense of the word) on top of being produced by a company that – at the time, at least – still performed animal testing; something wildly antithetical to Star Trek, if you ask me. There's a documentary (available in the UK on Amazon's Prime Video) called The Green Girl, which is worth watching if you want to learn more about Susan Oliver, the woman under the make-up.
Green skinned woman? Must be Star Trek.
In The Cage, Orion slave women are described as "animal" and apparently DTF at all times, even when they... don't want to? Are incapacitated? I'm not sure how else to interpret the line about them "lik[ing] being taken advantage of". In The Menagerie, they're described as "...like animals – vicious, seductive. They say that no human male can resist them." in a scene that then cuts to Captain Kirk and Commodore Méndez watching The Cage and Vina dancing on as it fades to black (probably for adverts, as it fades back in to them still watching her dancing).
This is in Spock's court marshal, by the way. With the death penalty as a potential outcome.
Most folks know that The Cage was rejected as a pilot, but that NBC made the unusual decision to order a second pilot (which ended up being Where No Man Has Gone Before). One of the aspects of The Cage they disliked, besides it being famously "too cerebral" was the "scantily clad green dancing girls with the humps and grinds." – too erotic for broadcast in the mid-60s, but Gene found a way to use it nonetheless, when they ran out of time to make a full, new episode – unedited! Next time you're watching Those Old Scientists, pay attention. You'll never see anyone's navel. TV censors and standards of the day held that it was too sexual to show a human belly button. William Ware Theiss' costume for Vina certainly covered Susan Oliver's navel, but displayed a lot more than one might expect in a family show. For that reason, I probably shouldn't be remotely surprised that three minutes or so would make such an impression on the young (straight) male minds that would go on to make Star Trek as adults.
But back to Bound, remember? It's been a while since I last watched the episode and the recap on Memory Alpha is a bit scant for my purposes so all I can really remember is that Cyia Batten (one of the actors who played Torah Ziyal, Dukat's daughter) is the lead Orion slave woman, and the episode makes me so furious that I could probably go eight rounds hand-to-hand with a Nauusican and come out the winner. Apparently I'm going to go and watch the episode again, now, for your benefit (certainly not mine).
Pray for my teeth....
It's just past Christmas, I guess in 2154 we celebrate by receiving sentient beings as gifts? Happy new year!
On that planet, here there be dragons. That's a Vulcan joke.
Tactical alert turns off a bunch of lights. Why???
Ooh, green man and the ominous strings. It's Harrad-Sar, and he's being all threatening. Fade to black and why is this glass shattering? Oh, right. I'm screaming because I can't skip intro fast enough, and it's the proto-Rascal Flats-ified version of Faith of the Heart. I'd like to think Archer played the song for Harrad-Sar while they glowered at each other over their viewscreens. Maybe this is how humans established such a dominant position in the foundation of the UFP so soon after getting out into interstellar space.
Archer refers back to the episode where a bunch of crew members were kidnapped by other Orions, including one who was a WWE wrestler. Harrad-Sar has an olive branch. Geddit? Olive? Because he's green? Right? … tough crowd.
Harrad-Sar is throwing a party; Archer is invited. Looks like he's bringing Reed and a couple of MACOs? Ooh, they're taking the transporter! Risky! They're also expositing about the last episode that involved the Orions. Archer wants to make friends! Or, at least, not-enemies. With slavers, in case anyone forgot.
Cut to: the Engine Room and Kelby being all weird at Trip for no clear reason, which Trip picks up on immediately. (Who's Kelby? Has he been in previous episodes??... I looked at Memory Alpha; ohhhhh.) His eyeline seems to be Tucker's left cheek? Maybe his mouth.
The Velour Vulcan approacheth. (The Television Without Pity recaps of ENT were honestly brilliant; I can but dream of that level of snark.) She asks Tucker if he's been daydreaming about her. Connor Trineer's pupils are oddly dilated, especially considering the lighting. Must be acting.
Cut to: the Orion party. I've thrown better parties, and none of them involved the blue fluid from tampon adverts. Archer looks sceptical about his cocktail; can't imagine why. Meridor? If that's what you kids call it these days... It really doesn't help that the bottle Harrad-Sar serves it from slightly resembles one of those urine bottles for people who can't get out of bed (outie genitals rather than innies). The blue fluid doesn't blend with the yellow and orange layered drink Archer and Reid sip from, so Sarek only knows what the whole drink tasted like.
Harrad-Sar mentions that Archer is wanted by the Klingon Empire and the Orion Syndicate. Isn't he a member of that? He's not up to something here, surely? Harry (his whole name is getting to be a bit of a pain to keep typing, so now our Orion friend with a toothpick in his cheek is Harry. No shade on Ensign Kim, naturally) mentions Archer's appetite and Archer puts aside his plate, more or less saying he's watching his figure and purple alien potatoes would go straight to his thighs. Harry says that it's bad form to discuss business before entertainment, and I don't know about you, but it seems to me that that's the best time to discuss business – when everyone has a clear head and isn't distracted – but what do I know? I'm not an interstellar SLAVER.
"If the food didn't arouse your hunger..." (lads, I think he's trying to suggest something here) He claps, and points behind Archer, who turns; "... this should." Doors open. What is this music?
That bra? Is a boob hat. No support at all, and is probably going to give her neck pain after a few hours.
By the many arms of Vishnu, where the heck did they come from???
Harry: "What do you think?"
Reid: "I can't think!"
Harry: "Captain?"
Archer: "I'd have to agree with my tactical officer."
How low is the writer's opinion of men that a very tame private dance (it's not private, but it's also not a lap dance) is all that it takes to switch of the CHIEF TACTICAL OFFICER and the CAPTAIN'S abilities to maintain situational awareness (and no, not the apparently very focused awareness of the situation they are right now in)?
Harry starts rubbing Archer's shoulders and names one of the women; the one wearing the red velvety boob-hat bra rather than the purple bat corset or the gold bikini top, as Navaar – and describes her as "the most experienced" – at what, exactly, is never clarified (nudge nudge, wink wink). They're sisters, because of course they are; porn-fried brains aren't new, just far more common. I get that children of multiple births are often close, but that close? Really? I'd rather gnaw off my fingers one by one, one knuckle at a time, than be in the same bedroom as my brother and any partner he was getting it on with. I suspect he would feel similarly, but I won't ask. I don't think I could ever explain (his special interest is trains; yes, we are probably both quite autistic, why do you ask?) Wait, I just implied my brother is my twin. He's not; he's like, 4 years older than me.
This is the franchise that thinks reading your recently-deceased granny's candle-inhabiting-ghost-based sexcapade journals is perfectly normal, of course...
Harry then goes on to explain that he "purchased them at a trading post that you [Archer] once visited." The one where 9 crew members wear nearly sold as slaves themselves, then. Ooh, he uses the word "creatures" to describe the women. Delightful!
"BUT WOMEN ARE THE SAME THROUGHOUT THE GALAXY, AREN'T THEY?"
And there goes a tooth; all those years of orthodontics were for naught in the end.
I'm only 10 minutes into this abomination. Can I make it through the next 33 minutes without chemical assistance? What about my teeth? Why did I think this was a good idea?? Brb, filling the vape...
…
Back, with some emotional support cheese as well. Don't worry; it's brie so I don't really need teeth to be able to eat it.
Cut to: Archer, trying to not knock himself out on the deck supports in his ready room? Quarters? Ready room. I think. He explains to T'Pol that Harry claims to have found a planet where there's enough magnesite to build a thousand warp reactors, but doesn't have the capabilities to extract the ore himself. He want to broker a deal between the Syndicate (who is after Archer, remember) and Starfleet, for a 10% share. Of the magnesite? The mining facilities? The miners? I'm a little confused, but no time to explain! He's also promised to open a line of communication between Starfleet and the Syndicate. Wouldn't the mining deal do that? Again, no time to explain: Archer already accepted the offer. T'Pol is also confused. Still, no time to explain! Harry insisted Archer accept a gift to celebrate their deal, and Archer didn't feel he could refuse. I'm sure he tried so hard. Apparently Archer knows accepting wasn't a good idea, as he appears to be asking T'Pol's permission and/or forgiveness here.
Cut to:... D deck? Really? Are we 12? I'm sure I've met straight men (besides relatives; this isn't the 22nd or 24th century) who can actually think of something besides their penis for... ooh, 15 minutes in a row?
Reid is showing the Orion slave sisters to their quarters, awkwardly, presumably because he still can't think. A random female crew member walks past the group in the background and pauses to look at the Orion slave women. Seems to not just be men who can't resist them! As a bisexual woman, this is not the representation I'm looking for.
"Captain Archer has a very large ship." purrs Navaar. I'm going to get a subdural haematoma from the subtlety of the innuendo. Reid responds "It's roomy." and are we still talking about Archer's genitals?
The Orion slave women then start to crowd him, and if only he was able to think. He might have noticed the ominous strings paired with the chimes of intrigue.
The way Dominic Keating says 'ladies' in the line "Well... uh... this way, ladies." gives me the heebies. I can hear the fedora on it. Anyway; fade to back for adverts, aaaaand...
Cut to: Ship, exterior, at warp and Archer's supplemental log that conveniently shuffles the plot along. Imagine if such a thing existed for the experience of reading my writing. Maybe grab some coffee or whatever your stimulant of choice is? You're going to need it; I'm not even 12 minutes into the episode yet. Holy fuck, what on earth is time?? It's been half an hour (maybe more like 45 minutes?) since I came back with my cheese.
Our brave crew, who may mostly also be heavily under the influence of outside influence...
wait, not that word , I just used that word and repeating it in the same sentence would be bad and terrible writing. What's writing verité? Maybe James Joyce might have had a notion of it... Oh, I know!
... who may also be experiencing the effects of outside influence, are on the way to Harry's coordinates, which are definitely where there's a planet utterly loaded with magnesite and absolutely nothing else that could possibly pose a threat to anyone. I don't know why you'd think that. The last group of Orions were completely trustworthy and no threat at all!
T'Pol is in a new shade of velour today; a delightful raspberry pink, to shift round the colour wheel from yesterday's bleached nectarine. Maybe tomorrow will be a red? What does it look like on days where she's wearing velour in shades beyond the visible light spectrum for humans? Black? White? Anyway. She approaches a distracted Archer to have a quiet word with him, regarding the growing disruption caused by the Orion slave women. He responds in a way that indicates he's disrupted by them. Navaar was hinting that she wanted to visit Archer's quarters earlier, so maybe she's found her way there already – make up your own mind and/or jokes – anything to deaden the pain and keep things moving.
It's worse than that (he's dead, Jim!) - the Orion slave women went to the mess hall and 12 crew members were late to their duty shifts. Alas; no holodecks, never mind at least five of them on this Enterprise. They discuss levels of dress and T'Pol raises that the Orion slave women are still expressing the sense they are the property of the captain. Starfleet doesn’t condone slavery.1
Cut to: the ship's gym. Mayweather and Reid discuss the Orion slave women in an oddly indirect manner. If these two aren't the only crew members using intense physical exertion to try to distract themselves, I can only hope everyone's gone nose blind. Pray for the residents of D deck. Travis expounds upon the Deltans that travelled on his parent's ship when he was 15. Deltan females are extremely attractive. The Deltan males might as well be chopped liver for all the attention they get. Hopefully those Deltan women had taken a vow of celibacy, though that really shouldn't have impacted Travis either way (any more than it did) what with him being a minor at the time.
That was a masturbation joke, wasn't it: "...idle hands and all that." – then the scene ending with Mayweather saying that the trip with the Deltans "helped [his] biceps." Blink and you'd miss it; 2 masturbation jokes. Kids watched this with their parents!
Tell a lie; the scene ends with Travis telling Reid he'd "go heavier" with the weights, which I'm sure isn't meant to be as funny as it is; Reid has been waving weights around, but it's pretty clear there's absolutely no weight to them and Keating is kind of flapping in a way that would probably hurt if he did actually have weights in his hands.
It's gone 3am. I want to see my not-godchild tomorrow. Gotta tap out here. Nearly 15 minutes into the episode. Ugh. I hope someone actually reads this. Besides Spouse. If you sign up for this as a newsletter, you'll get it direct to your inbox. Well, the first version that's published – speeling errors and all.
I have discovered there’s a maximum word count and the original post was just a little bit too long, so I’ll split it here. Cheese is good. This episode is not.